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She sees a chance for self-validation in earning his attention when others couldn't. ”—that confirms his belief that women are burdensome.Women caught in this circular thinking rarely experience a happy romantic ending. But this behavior also puts attention on him and gives him a sense of importance he may not be capable of achieving in any other way.In therapy, ambivalent men oftentimes recall feeling humiliated at some point in their young childhood for crying or being too emotional.They recall making a silent vow to never again display such weakness.” Now that she had arranged for her life to revolve around him, she had nowhere to go and no one to lean on.She felt lost and told herself that she had already invested so much time with Rob that she needed to hang in there—“Maybe he is just going through a phase.” But weeks turned into years of feeling as if she was never getting a straight answer about what he wanted or if he wanted to be with her.The non-committal, emotionally unavailable man pairing with an overly attentive female willing to hang in there, no matter what, is a surprisingly common type of relationship.Always eager to sow wild oats, the male in this dynamic is frequently described as a "player.”Why, in this scenario, does a woman stay true to such a man?

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I have seen in my clinical practice—working with young and middle-aged adults—that a dynamic such as this can still result in marriage despite all.And without healthy, equal partnership, it is hard to fully excel and achieve other important pursuits, particularly for women who plan to have children.For the ambivalent man, the inability to commit in an emotionally valid way may, paradoxically, reflect an emotionally vulnerable self that he is afraid to recognize out of fear that it will overwhelm him or make him less of a man.It is about forming a mutually pleasurable, emotionally safe relationship with someone with whom you can be a real partner for the long-term.Longstanding social-science theories suggest that for women, self-image, self-esteem, and identity are tied to having harmonious relationships, in ways that are not as true for many men.

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